This is an article I wrote for COVET Magazine (www.covetmagazine.com.au) - Issue 3, page 87 if your interested folks. Silly billy’s though published it under someone else’s name. Online version not corrected however printed versions were.
It really couldn’t get much more stylish than a pair of J Brand jeans or a cut to perfection pair of Vivienne Westwood wide-leg wool blend dress pants. Even less indulgent brands such as Cheap Monday and Tsubi provide some very stylish bottom options. So why, why oh why, is everyone wearing tights? We spend our entire lives, looking for the perfect jeans and the age old question, ‘does my butt look big in this’ is pondered and poked until our derrières are black and blue. So why, when we finally find that amazing pair of pants that make our butts look taut and our legs longer do we reach for the leggings or tights? Honestly, tights are the lazy girls attempt at fashion. I blame it on Sass and Bide’s invention of the famous ‘Black Rats’ leggings, which every fashion junkie owns. However no one seemed to notice that even Sarah-Jane Clarke (aka. Sass) and Heidi Middleton (aka. Bide) teamed their leggings with an oversized top or dress that covered there tooshies. The rule is, if your toosh ain’t covered by some heavy duty fabric, don’t leave the house. There is nothing worse than seeing someone too lazy to pull up a fly on a pair of pants happily walking down the street in her tights. I’m sure you have seen it before. You notice everyone’s heads turning to a particular direction and then yours can’t help but turn either. There, standing in line waiting for her coffee, is the tights culprit with her horrid, stretchy, almost see through leggings, which highlight every curve of that poor girls ass. Simply put, wearing tights as pants leaves little to the imagination. No matter how skinny your bum may be, the fact that tights should be left to the Ballerina’s and Renaissance Fair characters is undeniably true. Not even these activities magically turn tights into pants! They are simply activities that require no pants. It’s as plain as that. Wearing tights as pants is simply, too much information! Why did no one get this memo? Or have people simply given up on actually getting dressed in the morning? Leggings look like you could have rolled out of bed, applied some mascara and ‘off you go’ about your day, blissfully unaware of strangers staring. Instead indulge in some pants ladies! No one wants to see your crotch unless it is covered with some decent fabric and preferably a zip and button combination. If you want we can show you some desirable options that are appropriate and lust worthy! Net-a-porter the most stylish and coveted e-boutique known to mankind doesn’t even have a main heading titled ‘leggings’ or ‘tights’. It reads skirts, pants, shorts, jeans… nowhere does it say tights! Except for the hosiery section where they belong. So don’t be lazy and indulge a little – jeans for casual, super chic dress pants for work or special occasions, feminine skirts and shorts, you name it. Just not tights! The real world will only tolerate the laziness of the tights phenomenon for so long. Your neighbours don’t need to know the most intimate details of your body and the damn things are frankly not sexy at all. Don’t you want to be coveted? No one covets a tights wearer.
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